Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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