I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
