I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
