I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
