dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
