she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
