Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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