I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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