My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
