Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
