Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
