I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
