Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
