smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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