Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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