you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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