it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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