Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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