i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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