i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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