he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
