I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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