White coat. Heels.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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