saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
