One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
