im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize