I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was like eating out sand paper
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
