Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
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Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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