More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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