Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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