How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
