I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
