I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
