I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The feeling are messing with the penis
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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