very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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