woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
