What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
