the condom got lost in my hair
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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