Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she told me i tasted like america
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
