I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
