Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I need moral support for this bender
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
