she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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