I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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