its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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