like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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