Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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