so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can't special order awesome
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
should my penis look like a turkey
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
