This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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