It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
