Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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