I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
