I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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