i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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