haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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