just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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