I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
