You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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