she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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