Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
