I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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