$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
