Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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