I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He felt like a one man threesome
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
