also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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